


The Almighty Hairy One and the Zombie

by beanbeanpart2



Category: Houseplant Games, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Ent - Freeform, Fanfiction, Fantasy, LOTR, Lava - Freeform, M/M, Wizard, Zombie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beanbeanpart2/pseuds/beanbeanpart2
Summary: Houseplant Games FanfictionA revived zombie, a disgraced wizard, a seer, an Ent, and more sauce than anyone asked for!!!!Stay tuned for lava pools of fun and adventure!





	The Almighty Hairy One and the Zombie

A faint, melodious rustle echoed about the moor as the vernal zephyr caused the grass blades to dance. The luscious hills seemed to cascade from one horizon to another, bathed in an eternally warm sunlight. The ethereal scene was punctuated by a lone figure sprawled out among the earth; the figure looked as if he had grown from the same soil as the dancing grass. He was peace.

Then, with a seemingly gradual suddenness, the sunlight that had relaxed the world became hot, and then suffocating. The endless hills had grown claustrophobic and the pacifying zephyr had ceased. The world and the figure were violently ripped from its peaceful state and shaken by a resounding voice.

"Tripo!"

The figure thrashed his arms clawed at the ground, but instead of feeling grass, his hands grabbed a fistful of Spagetti (with the sauce).

"Tripp!"

THE VOICE which returned Tripp to the real world belonged to JR. Trip's confused gaze traveled from the Speagtti (with the sauce) in his hand to the rest of his body, which was drenched in spaghetti sauce. His gaze finally rested on JR himself, who was equally drenched in Chick-Fil-A sauce, from horns to toesies.

(okay I don't want to write it but just read this with as much sexual tension as you can possibly imagine >.<)

"JR" Trips voice cracked in a raspy, sexy way.

"Yes Trippy" JR replied, scratching his horns.

"What happened" Trip dared to ask.

Suddenly, Webber spontaneously appeared from the quantum vacuum, his trademark Houseplant® in tow.

"REEEEEE" he whispered softly.

We follow Webber as he falls down into the earth. On his way down, he looks over and sees Ben suck in the walls of the CRAIG. he sees his lips desperately form the word "help", but Webber knows he can do nothing to impede his fate. Ben is stuck until the end of time. Eventually, however, he becomes an Ent, one of the tree people from the famous book series Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein (available for purchase at your local Amazon) This is the price he must pay for his unforgivable sins.

The Almighty Hairy One resides at the bottom of the CRAIG. He is rudely awoken by Webber's smacking on the ground and promptly dying. The Almighty Hairy One lets out a long sigh and goes back to his chambers to retrieve his staff. Upon his return, he waves it ferociously over the dead corpse of Webber and revives him as a zombie human, forever doomed to be the slave of the Almighty Hairy One. Zombie Webber arises with the worst headache to ever grace the thoughts of man. His eyes, now a murky brown color all around, struggle to make out the form of the Almighty Hairy One.

"Who are you?" he grumbles with his now unbearably raspy voice. Shocked at his own transformation, his face becomes downcast and he collapses back to the ground.

"I am you new master. Serve me until the end of your days!" the Almighty Hairy One commands. Another groan escapes Zombie Webber.

"You know, zombies are overall useless beings right? I am of no use to you now or ever."

"I know! Don't be pedantic to me!..... I'm still learning the harder reviving spells and I'm not willing to waste a good servant when I see one. And I don't want to accidentally explode you in my poor attempt at a spell!" the almighty Hairy One rebutes.

"Well I guess that's a blessing...." Zombie Webber replies sarcastically.

Suddenly, Mitchell Elequin, better known as Markas Dragonsoultouched, enters. We'll call him Marky. With his loud booming voice, he screams and breaks the windows of the almighty Hairy One's lair.

"What the fuck, dude? That was stained glass! It took me years to finish!" the almighty Hairy One yells.

Marky ignores him and approaches Zombie Webber.

"I heard you were in danger."

"Well, I guess." Zombie Webber sarcastically replies. "I'm a zombie, so..."

"Yeah, your right" Marky shrugs.

Marky turns to the almighty Hairy One, "What have you done, disgraced wizard. You were banned from magic ages ago! And it was because you only knew the zombie curse!"

"I've learned more in my time in the center of the earth! I've learned from the lava. I am the lava" the Almighty Hairy One spoke with a boom and lava began to pour out of his mouth at an alarming pace.

"NO!!! The forbidden gift! It was buried long ago to prevent anyone from taking the power for evil! You've been corrupted!"

Marky collapses to the floor.

Marky's eyes suddenly become enveloped with light, as if they were lights themselves, and shown into the abyss. In the future, he sees two men, seemingly normal, but obviously secretly bears, covered in sauce and desperately trying to wash their fur clean in the river as trout leap over them. Wait, they are bears. Where are we?

AH, of course, Baylor University!


End file.
